I Spent $1,200 to Hear 'Eat More Fiber.' I Didn't Beat Up the Doctor.
Published: March 16, 2026 - 5 min read
Yesterday Was Rough
Yesterday was rough.
I was on a liquid-only diet and felt so tired, but obviously had to show up for one of my clients. It was nice to see that I made them so happy with the work I had done. Really nice to see that.
But it was rough nonetheless.
My parents were scared. I was going to get a colonoscopy, and I was going all alone. This is a procedure where you are expected to come with someone, have someone take you home, and spend 24 hours with you afterward. But I don't have family here, and people have jobs. So of course I went alone and got an Uber back home.
That certainly did not make things any better, watching my parents panic over all of it.
The Day I Was Going to Get Answers
Oh well, unlike them, I was looking forward to it.
I was religious about taking all the preparatory medications because I wanted to make it as easy as possible for them. I walked in there believing that this was the day. The day where I finally get answers to all my problems. The day when it would all make sense...
The process started... ended... then I lay on a bed in the clinic, weak from the sedation. I slept for a while, of course. And when I woke up, I was really looking forward to finally speaking to the doctor.
Then the dreaded message came.
"Everything is fine. You are okay. You just have to eat more fiber and drink more water."
Hmm.
The Two Outcomes I Pictured
Remember I mentioned in my last blog post that I was scared of two different outcomes? I tend to picture things that scare me in advance as a way of preparing myself to act rationally if and when they do happen.
In this case, I pictured the outcome of them finding something horrendous. Maybe I had cancer or something... and hearing that I had six more months to live. I decided mentally that if that was the case, I would just make the best of those six months.
Then I pictured the second outcome. The one that actually played out. Them simply telling me that it's just constipation and I have to eat more fiber and drink more water.
In my mental picture, I saw myself threatening to beat up the doctor. Because as you know from the many times I have written about this, fiber makes me feel worse and I drink tons and tons of water every day, particularly through herbal teas.
So Did I Beat Up the Doctor?
No.
I was calm. But not the good kind of calm. I felt defeated.
Throughout the drive home, I was in a dazed state. Not sad. Not angry. Not happy. Not knowing how to feel.
446 Days. I Am Fine.
As I came home, I ate a fruit and a proper meal while chanting to myself: I am fine. Nothing's wrong with me.
I have lived in constant pain for 446 days. Changing my diet multiple times. Trying different teas. Alternating between losing excess weight and going on ulcer medications when the pain gets really bad. But yet... I am fine.
I have been house-ridden for close to two weeks now. But yet I am fine?
I wish I could say I feel an emotion right now, but my hands are moving fast and typing these words on the screen with no emotion behind them. Like a state of apathy.
I feel defeated.
But I've Got Shit to Do
But I've got shit to do. Many, many things to do, and I won't let this stop me.
I'll begin to convince myself that I truly am fine. I am not throwing out any food again. I am eating everything. I will take long walks every day. I'll drink water. I'll meditate. I am even starting somatic healing sessions soon, so I'll do that as well.
I'll restrict nothing. I'll begin to live life normally. My body will be forced to catch up with me because there is no way I am letting it keep me confined in the house. I'll build systems that will continue to serve people even on days when my body cannot.
I will be fine. I am already fine.
I've got work to do.
As always, thanks for reading!